Consent Matters.
But what is it?
Consent is the voluntary, ongoing, enthusiastic, and informed agreement to engage in an activity.
That sounds like a lot of elements, so let’s break them down!
Consent is Voluntary
Consent, or agreement to participate, must be a freely made choice that is not made under pressure, manipulation, threats, power imbalances, or other forms of coercion.
It is your right to say no.
Coercion is the use of force or manipulate to push someone into an action they haven’t initially agreed to. Coercion can look like
- love bombing or grooming (exploiting “niceness” to lure someone into false feelings of trust),
- nagging, guilt-tripping, pressuring, (“If you loved me, you would…),
- threats or acts of violence,
- threats of consequences, (“If you don’t… I’ll break up with you.).
Consent must be free of coercion.
Source: Methods of Coercion, Responding to Disclousrs on Campus
Consent is Ongoing
People can change their minds! Ongoing consent means ongoing communication and continuously checking to make sure all parties involved are still comfortable and agree to an activity. If you’re not sure: ask.
There’s lots of ways to check-in with your partner!
“Is this still okay?”
“Do you want to go further?”
“Do you want to stop?”
Watch out for non-verbal cues. If your partner pulls away, tenses up, laughs nervously, or shows other signs that they are uncomfortable – stop and check in.
Remember: Consent is always freely given and can be revoked at any time.
Just because they said yes before, does not mean you can assume they will say yes again.
Sources:
I Ask for Consent, National Sexual Violence Resource Center
Sexual violence and consent, Government of Canada
Consent is Enthusiastic!
Enthusiastic consent goes beyond the absence of a “no” to ensure a clear, positive “YES!”
Enthusiastic consent is
- clear
- engaged
- interested
- empowered.
Enthusiastic consent sounds like, “I’d love to!” “Let’s do that more.” “Yes, I want to!”
Source: What enthusiastic consent actually looks like, University of Sydney
Consent is Informed
Informed consent means a person has and understands all the information required to make a decision.
For example, let’s say you go to hair salon and tell the stylist you’d like a new style, something bold and different.
The stylist says they have just the idea and asks, “are you ready for a big change?”
You reply, “yes, I am ready for big change.”
Suddenly, the stylist grabs the clippers and gives you a buzz cut.
You’re upset! You wanted a new hair style, but you didn’t want to cut off all your hair!
But the hair stylist asked if you were ready for big change and you said yes.
So… what’s the problem?
You did not give informed consent!
The stylist didn’t give you all the information you needed to make an informed choice. The stylist should have been specific and communicated clearly that the ‘big change’ would be a buzz cut.
Remember: to obtain consent, you must clearly communicate all the necessary information!
Before a sexual experience, obtaining informed consent means:
- both parties are aware and agree to the sexual activity,
- both parties are aware of each other’s STI status,
- both parties are aware and agree to the method and usage of birth control,
- both parties are aware of and respect each others boundaries,
- both parties have the capacity to give informed consent.
Someone who is asleep, unconscious, intoxicated, or under the legal age of adulthood cannot give consent.
Source: Understanding Consent, American Sexual Health Association
Consent is Safety
Consent is a fundamental element of any healthy relationship.
Consent relies on mutual respect, open communication, mutual support, equality, trust, and boundaries.
Obtaining and asking for consent shows respect, care for yourself and others, and fosters safety and trust.
Consent is like Tea
Need support?
Call or text 1-866-403-8000 for Alberta’s ONE LiNE for Sexual Violence support.
Call 1-403-983-1668 for STAND ASA, located in the Strathmore area.